Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Mysterious Girl

I bet anyone who know me would say that I am a happy-go-lucky girl. Frank, sensible, love to laugh. Yet, I seem to be keeping away from the society. Always solitary. Alone. Even my Facebook's wall is blank with nobody comment.

Yet, I like it that way. Only that sometimes, I itch for someone to connect to. I seem to be the desperate housewife that expect others to read my mind.

And yes! I can be easily jealous at times! Often enough, I find myself telling myself to cool down. That's why I need to find my own purpose of life. The one that I have been thinking for 5 years now. Yet, never seem to find a fixed one of my own. Whenever I'm occupied, the thought is placed at the back of my mind. When not, I'll be depressed to find that I'm a hopeless, helpless girl.

I'm going for further study. Pursuing my once lost intention. I wanted to become a mental consultant. A spiritual health counsellor. I was inspired when I went for a talk organized bby HELP after Form 5 in Pay Fong High School. That poster had since been sellotaped in my room. Perhaps, it became a constant reminder of my sub-conscious to become a contributor to public. Every night before I lie down in my room, I'll brain-wash myself to become a confident girl, a strong & energetic women who can success in life.

After Form 6, I still had not reach the level of confidence that I vow to reach. I was still timid in making decision to take up Counselling Course as my degree. I'm not sure whether it's a correct choice. Because I like UPM. The environment that developed my independence, my time-management, going for my interest & of Lye Song I know. Yet, that is past.

Now, at age 25, after graduated 3 years, again, I made a choice. I cannot break my own promise. I don't want to feel regret not doing things that I hesitate doing. I have been giving advices to people encouraging them to pursue their dreams, even writes it in my diary to live each day its fullest. Yet, here I am not doing it?!! Can't let this happen!

GOSH, it's so dark now that it is raining! I better be offline now!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Swimming Day & Night

Now is December, we just started our school holiday swimming programme. Which means, I get into the pool twice a day - morning & evening.

Recently, I have been getting up quite early, my body clock now clicks at 7am. So, I go out of the house by 8am, reach Botanic to have half an hour swim before conducting my class at 9am. That is refreshing! I always like morning swim!

But the thing is, by after noon, I'm tired or have loads of things to do. Therefore, it's always a bit of reluctance to go back to Botanic again in the evenings. Especially now when it's rainy time...not sure whether I can claim my income for that evening or not...

I'm wearing my diving suit every day now. Morning - to protect myself from getting tanner. Evening - to prevent my body from being too cold. I'm now feeling heat, my nasal keep producing liquid & often sneeze. After consuming 2 tablet of Clarinase given by Lye Song & not getting better, I know that this is not normal runny nose. Though it states there to be taken every 12 hours, I took another one in just 5 hours between.

I slept early at 11pm last night. Due to my health condition, I woke up at 3am to blow out excessive liquid & can't get back to sleep. As usual, I time myself half an hour to fall asleep. When that fails, I'll find sth else to do. So, that's it! I got my attendance done, have a cup of milk & some tiny-miny stuff. By the time everytime settled, the clock shows 645am. Slept another hour before my alarm rings...

Now, I get worry on spending too much time in the water without wearing my diving suit. After an indicative experience, you bet! There has been a few time I felt so cold that I trembled. Yet the worse was even my fingers went numb after the trembling process. That really made me aware! On my food intake also...I went off hungry many, many times...

I try my best to make sure I eat enough protein, calcium, Vit C & iron during my lunch. As heavy as breakfast can be & as avoidable white flour I could. Still, there dizziness is there. Sometimes strong, other times weak.

This mid-morning, there was an uncle comment that I lose some weight. He preferred my previous figure. Anything. I just want to enjoy my swimming sessions, my schedules & my food!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Anak Melaka (Part 1)

One can never forget his birthplace. It's not the same elsewhere. Place where you once used to play rough around the neighbourhood. Place where you find comfort where you don't even afraid to sleep alone outside. Place where you feel the most freedom!

I was back home for the weekend again. I was supposedly follow my BF & his friends to a friend's wedding in Muar. however upon hearing that my dad's health condition aren't good, I decided to stay home. Yet, I did not do much of what I planned to do since my dad did not need much of my help.

We (Alvin, LS, Wei Kee & Zhong Qiu) leave in a Saga by 1pm. I was so hungry from the previous day & did not have my breakfast since morning that I feel I'm on the negative verge. Luckily, we stop in Bkt Tinggi for lunch b4 moving on. There are a lot of vehicles in M'cca entering from the toll right to M'cca town. LS & friends were in dismay when we reach Melaka Baru to find the chicken rice shop has sold their last piece of chicken meat... Therefore, we went straight down to Jonker St to have a bowl of Durian cendol each after checking into Chong Hoe Hotel.

Wei Kee & Zhong Qiu fall in love with crafted boken sold in Jonker St that they keep eyeing them, while Alvin keep reminding LS to buy a 4x4 cube. Thereafter, we continue to walk leisurely along the pathway till more stall vendors came to set up their stalls for the night business. There are really a lot of amazing things that attracts both tourist & locals but time's up for us to go back, shower & leave for Winnie's wedding.

I was tired by 10pm that I took a short nap after setting my alarm at 2311 to open the house door for LS & Alvin. I missed call LS in vain, so I guessed that he might be sleeping in the car. What I didn't expect when I hear the bell sound at 2332 was that LS was drunk & was vomiting when I went outside to have a look!!!

Wei Kee & Zhong Qiu stood outside for about 20mins while Alvin, me & my mom clean the mess. What I didn't notice was LS vomited on his right rear door when I tried to close the door. GROSS! I have to run to the back of my house again for another bucket of water & cloth to clean those stomach content. Lye Song later amused me by his drunkard walk. He walked to the middle of the road unstably. Hahaha!!!

I push Pa's wheelchair to the front to escort Lye Song to the foot of the staircase leading to my bedroom. He was sooooo dizzy & feels like vomiting again that I let him rest a while in that wheelchair.

Upon waking up the next day, he couldn't recall how he enter his car & was still feeling dizzy! Terrible! He came to my sister's room at 0530 & woke me up! I couldn't sleep till 6am. By the clock rang of 7am, I was awake again & went down for a light breakfast. I pack my thins & clear those unwanted clothes with the help of Yeei & Errk into new plastic bags to give to Tzu-Chi since we'll be passing by later.

At lunch, LS asked his friends to recall again on the account last night. Alvin told him that he vomited 5 times & repeat each location... Haha!!! We all ate 40 chic rice balls & 1 whole chic which cost only RM 27.20. I take away 100 chic rice balls with 2 chic which cost me only RM 49.00! Damn cheap, half the price of He Ji in Jonker St.

My family couldn't finish the 2 chickens... We went back my house after both WK & ZQ checked out. Zhong Qiu did not sleep the whole night as it was too cold. Alvin only slept at 2am coz it is not his bed. LS & ZQ chatted with Pa for a hour. We only proceed our trip at 1pm. They went jln2 to clock tower & Jonker St again & didn't forget to buy boken while LS & Alvin went for a haircut.

Just before we make decision to leave M'cca, LS suggested eating Nyonya food. Of all 3 Nyonya restaurants (Ole Sayang, Nyonya Makko, Nyonya Indah) in Melaka Raya close, only Banyonya was open for biz. So I suggested Udang Masak Lemak nenas, Pongteh, Cencaluk omelet, itik tim & Kangkung Belacan. We finished our food at 5pm. By 6pm, we exit the toll in Ayer Keroh. Just after passing by Pedas/Linggi exit, the highway was jammed till after Seremban exit! That was a whole 4 hours journey until we reach Bkt Tinggi at 945pm! I was asleep in the car for an hour...

What's more, those kaki game want to play game some more! I joined them for web surfing for an hour. By the time we finish at 11pm, my stomach was growling & supper we had! Fat alr la... Ystd's every meal was full! I managed to keep awake till 1am b4 I fall asleep due to my wet hair. Today, wake up at 9am - 8 hours' sleep.

Wonderful Melaka, quiet trip as LS's friends don't talk much.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Dilemmas

Sometimes, we just couldn't decide for sure what we want in life. In my case - my career, the type of house that I want to live in, the exact words that I want to write.

Life is sometimes a spider web- the more we struggle, the more tangled we are. To keep cool, we need to relax. The reason we know how to relax is due to the amount of experience we have gained. Sometimes, I pity young children nowadays. They live in such technological advancement & social security obstruction that they are kept in a place so limited that they have so much more not to be explore.

My boyfriend's youngest brother is 14.5 years old now. However, I was so surprised that he was so excited upon seeing earthworm ystd! He have not seen one b4 his whole life! I can see that he has a very protective mother. Yet this is too much! I already make a decision not to let my children be taken care of by her.

Same goes to the spoilt children I teach in Botanic resort Club- the place where I work. I observed that they are so timid that it took ages for some of them to learn swimming. Perhaps, I was taught in pool as deep as 12.5ft. Whereby, Botanic pool deepest is only 2.00m aka 6ft+. I remembered that I'm always in frustration teaching swimming to those so timid that they don't even want to put their head into the water.

I've written that Lye Song & I were planning to buy a house. Actually, I was the one who suggested to invest in buying a house since LS has abundant of surplus every month that he'll still waste into buying unnecessary things. Yet, he doesn't have a clear view of what type of house to buy. Till now, none of us are serious buyer. It's already nearly a year. I wonder when my feeling will come.

LS friends once say that he likes to complain. HE IS! There just seem no hose to suit him! He wants to stay in an apartment, yet I don't quite agree with this idea as we need to move out again after we have children. Unless, I confirm that I'm moving back to M'cca with my children while LS stays here for work. If he's willing to sacrifice, he'll have to travel back to M'cca every fortnight for us.

My career - I still have not get a finite answer. I already decide to progress towards this career, yet where else can I proceed into. Must I work in educational related institution only, or can I work in private practice? Is there any other place that I can reach out for more people?

I'm passing my time waiting. How old am I on the inside? Too old? Coz I consumed too much time waiting for the right opportunity to come to me...

Monday, November 9, 2009

What car colour says about you?

  • Silver: Elegant, loves futuristic looks, cool
  • White: Fastidious
  • Vibrant Red: Sexy, speedy, high-energy and dynamic
  • Light to Mid-Blue: Cool, calm, faithful, quiet
  • Dark Blue: Credible, confident, dependable
  • Taupe/Light Brown: Timeless, basic and simple tastes
  • Black: Empowered, not easily manipulated, loves elegance, appreciates classics
  • Neutral Gray: Sober, corporate, practical, pragmatic
  • Dark Green: Traditional, trustworthy, well-balanced
  • Bright Yellow-Green: Trendy, whimsical, lively
  • Yellow Gold: Intelligent, warm, loves comfort and will pay for it
  • Sunshine Yellow: Sunny disposition, joyful and young at heart
  • Deep Brown: Down-to-earth, no-nonsense
  • Orange: Fun loving, talkative, fickle and trendy
  • Deep Purple: Creative, individualistic, original
Source: 2004 DuPont Automotive Color Popularity Report.

Well, I like WHITE cars, but prefer RED motorcycles!!!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Perodua Car Price List (for my rec)

  1. Kancil 660 Basic (only RM22K)
  2. Kelisa 1000 EZS Special Edition (M) Metallic (RM40K)
What a difference isn't it? I choose No. 1 because there is no car cheaper than this! While I like red Kelisa SE very much! Yet, I'm buying New Saga, the cheapest sedan car as compared to Myvi (RM7K more dear)

Perodua Kancil
Model
RM
KANCIL 660 BASIC 660 Basic
22,523.50
KANCIL 660 EX (Manual) Solid
24,443.50
KANCIL 660 EX (Manual) Metallic
24,802.60
KANCIL 850 EX (Manual) Solid
28,277.80
KANCIL 850 EX (Manual) Metallic
28,636.60
KANCIL 850 EX (Manual) (Special Edition)
30,076.80
KANCIL 850 EZ (Auto) Solid
33,724.60
KANCIL 850 EZ (Auto) Metallic
34,204.60

Model
RM
KELISA GXQ IMAGO (Manual) Metallic
37,871.00
KELISA EZQ IMAGO (Auto) Metallic
40,118.40
KELISA 1000 GX (Manual) Solid
34,919.40
KELISA 1000 GX (Manual) Metallic
35,468.60
KELISA 1000 EZ (AUTO) Solid
38,295.70
KELISA 1000 EZ (AUTO) Metallic
39,017.70
KELISA 1000 GX Special Edition (M) Metallic
37,640.10
KELISA 1000 EZS Special Edition (M) Metallic
39,887.40
KELISA 850 GX (Manual) Solid
31,011.70
KELISA 850 GX (Manual) Metallic
31,564.60

Model
RM
KENARI 1000 GX (Manual) Solid
39,046.50
KENARI 1000 GX (Manual) Metallic
39,620.50
KENARI 1000 EZ (Auto) Metallic
42,452.50
KENARI 1000 GX (Aero) Manual Solid
41,263.10
KENARI 1000 GX (Aero) Manual Metallic
41,837.20
KENARI 1000 EZ (Aero) Solid
44,250.60
KENARI 1000 EZ (Aero) Metallic
44,633.70

Model
RM
KEMBARA 1.3 GXB (Manual) Metallic
53,295.20
KEMBARA 1.3 EZB (Manual) Metallic
56,003.20
KEMBARA 1.3 ELE (EZS) Auto Metallic
59,863.20
KEMBARA 1.3 GX ( Aero) Manual Metallic
55,295.20
KEMBARA 1.3 EZ ( Aero) Auto Metallic
58,003.20

Model
RM
MYVI 1.0 (Manual) Solid
38,934.10
MYVI 1.0 (Manual) Metallic
39,457.30
MYVI 1.3 (Manual) Standard Solid
43,027.40
MYVI 1.3 (Manual) Standard Metallic
43,550.60
MYVI 1.3 (Auto) Standard Solid
45,932.40
MYVI 1.3 (Auto) Standard Metallic
46,455.60
MYVI 1.3 (Manual) Premium Solid
45,935.40
MYVI 1.3 (Manual) Premium Metallic
46,455.60
MYVI 1.3 (Auto) Premium Solid
48,812.40
MYVI 1.3 (Auto) Premium Metallic
49,335.60

Cruel Man-Killing Sharks

Water stands 70% of the globe, yet how much do human care about other life in the World? This topic I'm focusing on is whales & sharks, the most fearsome predator int the sea.

Having Discovery Channel & animal Planet at home, documentaries have given us insights of underwater world. Wanna guess how many of us appreciate it? Well, I'd better not know! Ystd's documentary was shark killing. Imagine you yourself being captured by some species smarter than you, cut off all your limbs, then throw you back into the rubbish bin, leaving you to die.

Would you still do the same to our fellow friends in nature?

How heartless are all humans living on earth?

Damaging any of our ecosystem will erupt other living beings... Haven't anyone discover that???

This shows how stupid or ignorant is human race!

When one says big, we could only imagine big. Yet, after watching ystd's documentary, I was shocked to hear how many sharks were caught every day for their fins! Let's put it this way (for more impact) - We kill 1000 humans every day around the world, including babies who have soft white skin. EACH & EVERY DAY!

What do you think would happen to the human population?

Well, if it gets lesser, I would be more happy! Less problems created! I couldn't agree more!!!

Worse still, shark killing occurs because of the belief the nutrient human benefit from it's fin! They don't even have the right to own their limbs!!! Pooh!

Same goes to human trafficking around the world - some humans are just ill-luck that they don't own they body. Else, how would prostitute & child trafficking occur?

This is a thought for us to think...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

When Opportunity Comes, Just Grab It!

The title above was inspired by Lye Song, my BF.

These couple of days, I (we) have been rushing aces going places to settle car loan finance, get release letter, e-batal, pay for inspections of exchange programme, book wanted car, prepare salary slips & supporting income docs etc...

I couldn't sleep last night though my eyelids were very heavy b4 11pm. Went to bed at 11pm, yet was awake by mosquito bites by 1am. Upon waking, my mind was focusing on how would I pay off my 7 year's loan... I have so much commitment that I couldn't survive without min RM 4k monthly!

Long, long ago

Remember this song's title? It is a cheerful, simple & short all-time favourite song.

Today is Wednesday. When the week reach this day, I feel that we r going towards the end of the week. Ystd, LS told me of National car exchange programme. When I went to ask this noon, I got a shock of being told that tmrw is the last day to trade in old car for Proton cars. However, Perodua still have not taken the voucher's privilege away.

Lye Song & me has been rushing half of the day to get my car driven back to Meru showroom's branch, & I later went to settle my Iswara's loan of RM 2187.06. Due to decentralized RHB Delta loan payments, I was unable to check my loan settlement balance not get release letter.

Not only I have to call HQ in PJ (Jln 222), I was referred to Malacca branch to get both. By 3pm, it was raining quite heavily & I almost finish calling banks. Yet, I was in confused state & unable to make decision...

We had lunch & was home by 3:40pm. After a few calls & a short thinking process, I finally make decision to trade-in my Iswara 1.for RM 4000. (Since tmrw is the last day, yet, I was unable to settle my car loan & provide release letter & e-batal, the salesman offered to buy my car for RM 1k lesser)

Truly, this is my first time buying a car. I felt a feeling like a new man. I wonder how trilled would I be on the day I am acknowledge that I could drive my car home. My car colour selection - metallic granite grey. New saga 1.3L B-line. (After considering whether to take metallic grey or solid white)

Though my favourite colour is white, I couldn't afford to buy a white colour car as I am too lazy to wash car once a week. Sometimes, not even once a month! Now, my next purchase would be red motorcycle! A white-washed house would fit my white selection perfectly!

Coming to think about that, it seems that though I would like to own a house, my mind & financial do not seem ready. Else, I would be doing tonnes of research of quality, price & my preferences; just like what I did b4 deciding to further study...

The reason why I put this blog's title as "Long, long ago" is the feel of life in me when I was studying in UPM. Which was 3 years ago. Quite some time gone, isn't it? Feeling of working hard to occupy my time; for my likings & going after my preferences. Chasing after my ambitions...

What's next? When will I aim for it???

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Quality of Life

Dharma is in every body.

Christians believe that when a child is born, he is as a piece of white paper. So pure. So beautiful. Which is true. No child is evil. Unless he photocopied it while growing up.

I am not trying to be one who cull people into another religion. As far as Buddhist are concern, we are not a believer. We understands ourself. One of the quality that we adore most is Freedom.

From my point of view & the lifestyle that I am leading now, I make sure that I don't regret in whatever decision I took & don't waste my time unnecessarily. If possible not even a minute. I vowed to myself ever since I achieved my goal of being independent.

Some of the ways that I viewed quality are:
  • Reading in the car
  • Bringing a book wherever I am
  • Talk to someone & exchange info if I find myself in a serious situation
  • Anticipate in local activities especially my interest-related
  • Improve my skills during my leisure time
  • One of the thing that I never fail to do is planning things ahead.
I do do things impromptu, yet I find planning to be the safer side of me.

Different people do view quality of life differently. Yet, as we can all be assure of, lifestyle of modern people have degraded immensely.

Yet, we couldn't blame anyone. One of the most important factor that changes our lifestyle immensely was technological advancement. When a new creation comes out, be it smple or complex, somehow or rather it affects our lifestyle. Whether in a speed of light or slow as a snail. Whether directly or indirectly. I have been affected as y mind knows it. Yet, my mental laziness prevents me from improving or moving forward spiritually. i know I have to practise meditation. I know I wanted to attend Dharma class. Yet, staying with a BF always comes into the way. Coz LS do not have an understanding for these things & feel that it is time-wasting. And I never explain it to him. I was ridden towards entertainment and pleasure of dating, wasting money & time...

People who have will power that read this blog will certainly scoff at me... What a weak girl! While writing this, I know that I'm getting lazier, drifting towards non-purpose of life... Lye song, I hope that you read this blog of mine...

Tips For Excellent Learning - Swimming

My first & foremost motto - "Going with the Flow"

That is the key.

Water is liquid. It has no shape, not solid, can't be hold nor can it be hurt.

How do you overcome or control something that has this stated characteristic?

Of course, you go with the flow...

One major attitude that applies in all sports is RELAX...

The moment you relax, you get focus easier. This can be seen significantly in swimming. Because the water is 'flexible', our body needs to be flexible too.

Stage one - learning how to hold breath in the water without fear. Fear is the one & only obstacle that obstruct our learning. Imagine, one going for bungee jumping, yet fear of falling. How could it be?!!

Stage two - as soon as you know how to get into the water without someone to push you to, we learn how to breath in the water. As breathing assists ones a lot in later drills, a correct technique helps tremendously.

Stage three - floating. This is another big leap to determine whether one can become a swimmer or not. Believe it or not, ones that become swimmer finds it easy to master all these basic techniques. They have no fear. On the other hand, they find this enjoying!

Stage four - push & glide off the wall. You are almost ready to swim like a fish!!!

What contains in all these steps? FLEXIBILITY! And going with the flow... All the key words in this article.

I am very sure that other sports contains this magical, simple word...

All the best to whoever is learning new things out there!!!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Why We Don't Have to Suffer Anymore?

I just reach home from one of the exciting Dharma talks conveyed by an enthusiastic speaker. He point out 7 points to take notes of. Yet, I only took out my mobile towards the end of the talk. As such, there are only 3 points that I could remember.

Of one point. He did speak on the difference of a man's feeling & reaction compared to a woman's feeling & reaction. He said that when a woman feels, she would use ALL her Brain to think & therefore becomes a deep thinker & multi tasks. Wherelse, a man would only uses half his brain to think & does things one at a time. Interesting, isn't it?

If you think you are suffering, you are! Everyone does! The minute you are born, there is the attachments of sufferings. There is no running away from this cycle of samsara. Like what my mom used to tell me, the minute a child is born, he uses money. From milk powder, napkins to toys. So true is the sentence unless we learn how to detach ourself from the strings of craving.

The tools to end suffering is to follow the Noble Eightfold Path. This made me realise & understand when one of the Dharma brother says that it's not easy to be reborn in a human realm. It is even difficult to have to chance to hear the Dharma. I used to wonder that's it's the same to hear Chistian's speech, Muslims & other religion's compared to Buddhism's. Wow, of what we have know is the littlest wisdom that has been known. How can I compare myself of those wise mans.

Helping others. The greatest joy that one can find is the bliss of helping others. We were born to make the Earth a better World. What do you think Michael Jackson sang his songs towards the end of his passing away? To create awareness in the need to help others!!!

Those were only short recap of what I have heard tonight. It is really a wonder that I'm such a spiritual woman. Buddhism is an understanding that I can perceive well, being closely connected to our daily lives' happenings. Unlike other religion that asks ones to believe blindly on faith which I find it difficult to accept. I am one of the type of person who would blindly believe on what others said. Yet, this do not happen to me when it comes to religion. Buddhism permits us to provoke them, the fact, what is spoken, the only religion that encourage us to ask questions & not to blindly believe. I guess this was one of the major reason that I have fallen into the trap of being the follower of this religion.

Indeed, I am a girl who adores my freedom very much. A typical Sagittarius.

Yet, of another reason why I stick to this religion was because of my race. I had believed that there IS a reason of why I had been born into a Chinese family, in Malacca. Most Chinese population were believers of Buddhism, so I think that I SHOULD. Not knowing that there were many Chinese of other religion as well. Which means, that I have Strongly believed in 'Law of Kamma' before knowing it's true meaning. Perhaps, what senior practitioner of Buddhism said was true. That I was a Buddhist & perhaps a meditator in my past life that I feel somewhat strong connection in my present believe & practise.

I know that I am far from achieving Nibbana. Yet, how seriously would I look upon meditation in this life? When would I get further from cycle of samsara? What purpose do people close to me in this life have to do with me? Well, those were not important questions in the eye of a Buddhist. I need to remind myself frequently as I am a day-dreamer. What's most important now is the present. And presently, I just realised that there are so many interesting topics that I could write relating to Buddhism!

Anger in Traffic Jams

We could suffice anger. I was on the verge of whether letting it go or let it arise. Indeed, I think too much of it that I let it arise. Upon reaching my destination, I let "it" out.

So loud & consistent was my shout that I broke the silence of the neighbourhood. I have just broken a minor precept yet strong, powerful tool towards Nibbana. My car is another stage towards it's doomsday... It's horn is now damaged - by me...

I banged into the steering & shouted my lung out. I did not realise that LS's mom was outside & she rushed out to check. "It was me", I answered.

My future mother-in-law must be thinking that I went into hysteria. I just could not accept being trapped into traffic jams! Not even once a day! Though I view myself as being highly adaptable to any kind of environment, life surrounded by jams isn't one of my options. So different compared to traffics in Malacca.

This has been my second time writing articles related to traffics. Public transports are unreliable, nor are cars. Motorcyles has the risk of being the worst outcomes in accidents, walking has it's own consequences of being robbed or being raped. Bicycles are being viewed as being one of the lower class caste. Why all the sufferings?

I have a fairly satisfying day. In the end, nothing is permanent. All things are subject to change. As my mood now, it was traffics in Klang made my day end unsatisfactoriness. I actually has just come back form a dharma talk. A very enjoyable evening indeed. My mind was full of views & thought I wanted to write, which I do not know which to prioritise. And in a sudden, I'm tired to arrange my mind into some form of interpretable article.

My main point here is to convey how anger can arise & suppress within our control. I'm already half my way to writing craps; just like how we speak without the knowledge of our mind when we are angry. Thanks to my mindfulness that I am quickly aware to the changing to my mood. Be it anger, disappointment, happiness etc. The changing mood of human being is the one that colour our homo-sapiens world. Too bad that most of the colour were conveyed in dark, ugly colours. Luckily, my world is of bright, soft colour of pastel ranges.

Choices is in our hands! You choose! Sadhu!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

How I started - SWIMMING

I had the chance to learn swimming when my dad said that "It is important to know how to swim". Therefore, my mom was to send me to inquire about swimming lessons in our only public pool which is just 10 mins walk away from our house.

I was 9.5 years old at that time. We waited beside the pool in my purple swim suit with some frills at the side of my swim suit. I remembered feeling embarrassed being dressed that way, feeling quite naked.

After a few minutes' wait, my teacher came. She was a lady in her 60's, darkly tanned. I'm not sure whether I was afraid of water or how I behaved when I first started swimming. That was all that I remembered, perhaps I was feeling uneasy.

Uneasy I was, I remembered that the hind of my swim suit was torn due to my constant pulling it lower to cover my buttock. Haha, thereafter, I did change a lot of swim suits! Almost 10 I think, the one that was brought in the shop opposite our house, Sykt Tak Sin. Before changing to those quality ones.

The routine goes one till I was in my Std 5, when the swimming pool was closed for more than 1/2 a year for renovation. Haiz... I have grown fond of swimming & it was a method that my mom used to threaten me when I don't finish my homework before going for my lesson, at 5pm. I will be VERY "kang chong" to rush to the pool, which become a 5mins walk. Almost running. I ALWAYS try to be the FIRST to jump into the pool. After taking off my clothes in the toilet, straightaway RUN to THE POOL & jump in!!! YEAH!!!!

YEAAAHHHHH!!!

That was the most FUN Part! The second fun part come if I arrive early to the pool before the bell rings. The reason? The Playground! My favourite was the swing. I challenged myself on others too - monkey bars, a big bar structure which I climbed to the top, jongkang-jongket, hide & seek, basically everything that the playground offers.

Aunty's (my swimming teacher) skin was very smooth & soft in the water. I had a lot of body contact with her as she hold me when I was asked to swim out. I guess I lean to teach swimming from her, using the same technique. After learning for a year, stopping for almost a year & returning back to her, she never increase our swimming fees - RM 30 for twice a week's lesson. Even till my youngest sister's fees! How generous! The total duration of my learning swimming takes about 1.5 years if I remembered correctly...

Weird, since i love water, I stopped going to the swimming pool when I went into Form 1. I was afraid. Till my mom had to come to the school herself to meet the teacher in-charge of swimming & stated my name to be included if there is any competition. Haha, so embarrassing. Since I missed 1997's MSSM, I only started joining competition in Form 2. It was during these duration that I have 2 coaches that confuse me in my Freestyle. Aunty said that I should pull my hand this way while Mr Foo say it's another way. My freestyle became slower & I am always the 2nd last during competitions...

Starting in Form 4, I went for morning training which started at 5am under Mr Ng, while in the evening, normal swimming class under Mr Foo. These sporting life continued till I graduate my Secondary school. Again, I was inactive in my Form 6. Wasted, as I could still take part in competitions since I was still under 18 years old. Guess I don't like big crowds... Yet, I was sooo free in my Sixth Forms...

Journey continued & I start swimming again alone in UPM. Problem is the pool is always closed when I went. Under maintenance... I found that I've lost my stamina to swim long distance as we used to in trainings. So I swim short laps as the shallower pool is always crowded. However, when I became less busy in my studies & less activities in my college, I visited the pool more frequent. That was already my Third year. Till one day, the President of the Swimming Club noticed how well I swim & invited me to join their team as they were short of swimmers, especially ladies. There I agreed & suddenly became engrossed in swimming in my Final year. Following their training & competitions. My one & only swim suit, a dark blue Speedo served me throughout my Uni life...

That was my experimental year as I physically tried my body with different swim techniques. With Victor, Chun Cao, Kee Tzuen, Saiful & other team mates as my mentor. Thanks to them I have perfected my strokes tremendously, freestyle especially. I later improved other strokes by myself. True to say, that their presence had mean a lot to me & contributed in my learning. Physical, mental as well as attitude.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Traffic Jams!!!

Argh!!!!!

This is the part where stress comes in. Usually, I am a very calm person, I hardly fall into the trap of Deva Mara's delight. However, I always loses that quality when I'm stuck in traffic jams.

Previously, I have noted that I am always at peace once I pass the exit of Port Dickson. Even calmer when I enter Malacca boundary. One of the major reason is because of the traffic. Even when I'm at peak hour in Malacca town, we don't often experience heavy traffic that cause us to fall into "traffic depression"!

However, my emotion heaved heavily when I am in Selangor & KL, Klang being one of the place I hate!!! Very much!!! I used to thought that it was because of the workload I have to face when coming back. Yet, I just realized that the traffic here has affect my spiritual well-being enormously!!!

No peace, too much conflict, too much noise..... In conclusion, too much of everything!

I love a simple life, the simplest way to stay happy at all times...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Troublemaker

There the title goes! Suits my personality very well... What my parents told me was true right till the end of my lifetime!

Terrible that I do not know how to take care of my belongings. Just ystd, I spoil the antenna of Lye Song's car. Luckily the radio able to function well.

Coming to flashback the series of misfortune that fallen on me, it's IGNORANCE! Now I get the meaning of Buddha's teaching. These misfortunes happens to me due to my "care not" attitude. Take my hp for example... The many times I lost it, was because of my laziness to check even though I already sense sth amiss.

Last week I finished book on Metta meditation. As usual, the urge to practise Metta meditation came, however, I'm not sure how strong is my will this time. It sounds attrative in the beginning till the end.

However, I have noted that I am able to concentrate easier in my lotus sit. Amazingly, I can sit unmove for slightly more than an hour! (Not in totally quiet environment, listening to Dharma talk)

This achievement came suddenly to my realization, just like how I realize how I can type so fast & smoothly. What will be my next move, my next achievement?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Malacca, My Safe Haven

It certainly seems like I'm not a down-to-earth person. Always living in dreams, that is too good to make true.

I am currently staying & working in Klang. Yet, I wanted to stay & work in Klang after I conceive, especially when my children go to school.

Don't make sense right? I am already thinking of plans a decade ahead...

I have currently changed my schedule of going home fortnightly... This is where my hometown attract me back. I have grow fond of my birth place & is very comfortable staying there. Everytime I goes home, my mind is at peace. M'cca is really a place for me to de-stress...

I told Lye Song about my plan to go back M'cca after I retire, yet, he doesn't seem to agree with that. Though what he say is true, that by the time I grow old, I won't be having any friends in M'cca. Yet, my mind could not conceive these words when I hear it...

It wass due to my frequent home-going nowadays that I misses M'cca more. I can observe very strongly how my mood changes whenever I step into the border of S'gor. When I am in UPM, my mood are in another setting. The amount of stress is there, yet due to my enjoyment of my studies' life, I could cope with it.

When I step into Klang, the stress is conceivably stronger. While here, it was because of the presence of someone I love dearly...

When I agreed to work as a full-time swimming instructor with Aquasplash, I was thinking how long could I stay with this company... It seems that I'm the one who never settles down. Now my mind is already thinking of leaving M'sia to further study in NZ...

I wonder how could LS stay with Price Solution doing sales for nearly 3 years???
While I could only maintain my enthusiasm for only 3 months...

Am I a horrible person??

Study Dilemma

Has been quite some while since I write sth, be it in my diary or my blog...

Recently a depressed urge came out & its growing stronger day by day. Furthering my studies!

PSYCHOLOGY!!!

Yeah! Perhaps it's due to knowing friends around me furthering their studies - Thana, Mei Hui, Li Yean, Xue Loo, Sin Loong

Perhaps I saw the ad on UM's postgrad intake by Sept.

Perhaps, I've just attended UPM's convo, & wanted to attend another convo of my own

Perhaps, I've been thinking sub-consciously everyday!

Now, let's review how many dilemmas have I gone through:
  1. Should I further my studies? YES
  2. When should I further my studies? Now is the Best time!
  3. IPTA or IPTS? I would like IPTS, however it's too dear (HELP)
  4. If IPTA, will it be UM or UPM? Depending on the course, still waiting explanation from one of UPM's tutor - En Wan Marzuki
  5. M'sia or NZ? I'd love the life in NZ, but commitments???
There it goes, in dilemma now. Yet, I did not let LS know about what's on my mind currently. He definitely do not want me to leave. My family would worry about my finance...

While me, as much as I want to take my bag & leave; I have these commitments to fulfill & make sure that it is still fulfilled while I'm away...
  • Car Loan (after Iswara, Kancil)
  • ING, GE, MNI Insurance premium
  • Future housing loan
  • Marriage in 2012
  • Housing loan
  • Spending for Ma
I need at least RM 1000 every month to maintain my needs. Yet, another RM 5000 to maintain my tertiary life there (including traveling expenses needed to explore & have fun)

While the above is in terms of financial, the rest in incalculable, such as:
  • Time spend with LS, especially nearing marriage time (unless I could finish my course in 2 year's time, or I get an allowance to skip a few weeks of a semester)
  • Deciding where to settle down after our marriage
So, which to choose? In times like this, how I wish that I am a rich man's daughter or some miracle would happen to me...

Haha, not a logical idea though, unless, UNLESS that in some way a miracle could really happen...

Some future company that needed my expertise want to sponsor me
I could have a secured job after I grad...

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Satisfaction for more than a week!

By & bygone!

Lo & behold!

The month of July is going to end in a few more days... And here I vividly remember the beginning of year 2009. Also, the beginning of year 2008 & 2007 & those years beyond. All way back to year 1996!

Yup! That's true!!!

I have been very satisfied my days over these fortnightly. I have been occupying myself with a continuous string of work to-be-done over the weekdays & weekends...
- Keep the house clean
- Get enough sleep
- Doing Aquasplash marketing
- Designing packages
- Arranging August's classes
- Composing what need to be handled to HQ for the month of July
- Planning upcoming events
- Trying to finish watching 'Prison Break'
- Onlining & control my timing from getting too much time being online

What else does a idle mind require from these activities? I keep doing things that I feel happy that I don't fall back into laziness.

Another thing that made me happy is the fact that I'm going home on Wed! Has been 2 months...
Though I could not make my home-coming 4/5 days, but I'm glad I get a FULL 2 days off!!!

Hmm, felt back in UPM days. Where my time are always filled, tasks done JIT, yet with no additional stress of rushing to get work done... Or I would say minimal...

Hopefully, this would be my starting of my UPM days again in my working life, & never to be end. (Gosh, here I'm hoping for permanent situation! How can it be?!)

Monday, July 13, 2009

Pursuing Master Education

Search Engine.

Subject search not found.

This happens only when I do research in Malaysia. It seems that Malaysian corporation or any other organizations have yet utilize the power of internet. How to make Malaysia a more competent country among the face of globalization?

Most of what I search would lead me to the same topic in other countries such as UK, US, Aust & other 1st World Nation (Developed Countries). What a despair...

Anyway, above were some of the frustrations that I would like to forward along the line... Recently, half of my research online has been helpful. For example; stuff like what I want to find out on pet dogs, rabbits and today, Master of Counselling Psychology.

Yeah, this urge has been inside me since I finish Form 6, and it is still there. Teaching swimming to children makes me understand my wants more. It has been almost 6 years now & I'm still thinking of it... Only that previously, I do not know which area of Psycho I want to major into, now I have more focus on children & family.

I have checked online on the requirement of pursuing courses in this subject. Some uni requires student to have at least 3 years of related working experience. Although I do not need that kind of requirement(I pass my CGPA above 2.75), I prefer to wait till my 3rd year working. Which means, I;m going to take my Master of Counselling Psycho by next year, having graduated in mid-2007.

My next step would be inquire the full info that I needed from various educators - HELP, UPM, UM & UKM.

HELP would be the most dependable college to provide studies on this subject. However, since it is a private orgn, the fees would be expensive.

UKM gave me a good image when I was in Form 6. However, after I know that the studies were done in BM, I was dissappointed. So, I give it a pass.

Now, I will have to compare between UM & UPM. UPM was my former varsity, therefore, I could practically u/std its system & would ease me a lot to adapt in. On the other hand, being a gal who welcome challenge, I might choose UM for its world recognition & slightly lower fees charges.

Let's see where I settle into after my inquiry!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Beauty of Being in Trouble...

Ironic...

Just like the theory of Yin & Yang...

What I mean here was lots of people suffer when trouble / problems comes. Yet, one feels so blessed when you know that you have true soul beside you - giving you a shoulder to lean on, giving moral support and making you laugh.

Therefore, I could consider these moments as one of the 'feel good times'! Of course, it is only you could cease the degree of suffering. Therefore, it depends on how well you could borrow the strength of those besides you to stand up on your own and solve the problem yourself.

I have always considered myself blessed. Perhaps its due to my easily satisfied soul, I'm easily contented and easily being in a happy mood. With one condition of course - I feel that I'm doing sth beneficial at every moment. As I don't like wasting my time, I always occupied my time with lot of learnings...& perfecting myself.

Referring to the above paragraph, my boyfriend say that he was lucky to have a future wife like that. Coz, he doesn't want a wife that might develop low self-esteem and too much self-conscious when spend too much time at home. This, I agree with him. Neither do I want to become a full-time housewife. I'd rather have control over my personal income, my work, personal time & time for my family.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Animals.

Today is Wednesday. N it is already night. What have I done today? Doing my routine or wasting my time?

Let's not think on that first. Recently, I have been discussing a lot on relationship, marriage and family with friends my age. And it is getting more real...

Let's leave it aside.

I played with a cat just now. Nothing to fuss about. However, can you remember when is the last time you connect with another living being?

I've search on dogs a couple of days ago. My opinion is that I want to have an "open house" daily for other living animals: cats, dogs, birds etc.

1. I would leave unfinished food at the backyard for cats to eat (if there is any left). This way, I'll get to watch them play and play with them for a few minutes, say 15mins. It really soothe the heart and bring the "child" back in you!

2. I want to rear a dog in the year of dog, which is in year 2014. Starting from a puppy. Even when the pup grown up and died, I'll replace it with an adult dog, preferred stray. Then, the live cycle will continue in the house. "Someone" to look after you when you are alone. Or "someone" who hear you nag and keep secret from others. Haha, sound ridiculous??

3. I'll place a pail of water every mid-morning and after noon (when time were the hottest) in my lawn/ yard. That way, I can see birds flying in to bath or to quench their thirst. How free to feel, I mean the feel of Freedom.

4. Fishes are Lye Song's hobby. So, I guess that our house can't lack of one aquarium too. Of course, that would have to be LS to take care of!

Well, that would be 4 types of animals!

I never get a chance to rear a dog b4. I will get it in the future.
Cats are averywhere and they'd come to you if you are nice to them.
You can't catch a bird and trap them in a cage (like what my dad did). So, it's best to leave their rights to them.
Fishes resembles me, I think. As I swim a lot, so let it be a reflection in the house.

Well, well, looks like we'll nedd to share a house with lots of beings yea. Be it a small house or a medium size house...

Inconsiderate Humans!!!

I'm ANGRY!
Nothing personal happen to me.
However, someone just violate my Values!
One of the Value that I treasure very much in contributing to World Health!

MJ is dead & I watched his Final concert given by his family members.
He was also one of the few sho supported World Peace & Health.

What triggered me off when I was driving just now was an action.
I saw a beautiful young lady driving a Myvi winding down her window, wearing a long sleeve jacket. Obviously, she is protecting herself from UVA & UVB. Not that I care much about skin cancer as much as she does. Deliberately, the purpose of her winding down the window was to throw a plastic out of the WINDOW!!!

I horned at her and apparently my horn's sound falls on a deaf ear (too soft). I felt like showing my middle finger to her. (Didn't make sense, right? As I'm also a lady)

Well, this do not happen to me first time. I had feel this way b4 and horned at others as well. However, nobody seem to care much. The most hurtful and dissappointed feeling I've known was from my BOYFRIEND!!!

Imagine that I could not advise him to do more good actions!!! How tearful am I!!!

So, guys & gals out there...If you happen to read my blog, please practice one good habit for your lifetime. It really did not make much different if only one person were to practice it. However, imagine that if the world unites, it will certainly slowed down a few minutes of global warming and do good to our future generation.

PLEASE.....

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Free & easy Monday...

I guess most people would be thinking, r you sure? What is this gal doing? As Mondays are busiest day of the week for most people, I'm having Mondays off.

I'm been online for almost 5 hours now...
Searching info on dogs...
I would like to have one...
However, not now...
I woke up feeling really easy & relax today!!!
UNTIL>>> Mr Sun shines right on top of the roof...
Then, when he shines so glaringly, one would feel heat up...
N you feel lazy that the refreshed mind drowns bit by bit...
However, I'm going to keep up with my intention of being online for 6 hours today...

Hmm, dogs...
I have always wanted to rear a dog when in secondary school.
One of our neighbour did have a bitch who gave birth to cute lil puppies and she wanted to give away...
Too bad, my dad said no...
Therefore, our hope was being buried that way and we continue with our life...

Now, that I'm working, and have some free time that can certainly take care of a canine, I should think its the right timing to rear one...
Either that or wait a few years later...
Coz I'm not staying in my own house.
I prefer the latter.
When I have my own house...

Now that I got some insights on type of breed, it should be easier to make decision later...
So long, good bye!