Got 3rd Finger Today

My lecture was cancelled today... This has happened for me 3 times already... I reached UPM @ 1414 today and shortly after I received sms from Seng Fong & Yong Chin informing me that Prof Othman was sick, therefore lecture cancelled.

I took 15mins nap with 2 interruption - phone calls. Only when I woke up at 1430 I saw their message, took my lunch and finished at 3pm sharp. I was thinking of going to the library to finish up my Philosophy group asgm when I thought of Jenn Jye. He was at home! Thereafter, I went to his house and stayed there for slightly more than 1 hour. Managed to finish up to 13pages of my asgm though! Good! One page top up from the previous 12 pages. (I did 8 pages the night before & 2 additional pages in BRC)

Went swimming @ 1625 and done by 1720. Wanted to come up 5 mins earlier but I was so engrossed in my training! Being mindful gives me such bliss, happiness & peacefulness! WOW!

Today was my earlier home-going from UPM as Wan Mei finishes her lecture @ 1730. We reached Klang by 1845. Just on top of the 2nd flyover, I signaled to cut over to the other lane. When I was in the act of moving my car across, I saw a motorcycle and stay put in my lane.

THEN THE CURSE CAME! A young Malay man who was riding the motorcycle past by me and gave me his 3rd finger! I leaned forward and gave him back his sign language (in bodily language, sort of asking him back - "You showed me your 3rd finger???"). HE CONFIRMED that he gave me HIS 3rd finger by SHOWING ME that sign AGAIN!

Immediately, I WAS ON FIRE! After a split second, my conscious get over me and cool me down, telling me not to get angry. Instead, I should feel sorry for him that he could not control his own Anger! I was sympathized with the lady sitting behind him too. Being together with uncivilized human. Wan Mei saw that act too and asked what happened.

I keep on contemplating on my feeling even when I was walking Mylo about half an hour later. I couldn't bring myself not to be angry at him. Since I couldn't forgive him, I keep reminding myself to let go. The least I can to is to forgive myself. Ajahn Brahm's CD which I have listened for 5 times now was JIT! Couldn't have figured a better timing to have this kind of situation to happen to me!

Mindful Swim

I discovered meditation without realizing that it was meditation when I was in my teens, in secondary school years. Since then, I've been using meditation as a technique to help me fall into sleep easier. Though I do not suffer from any sleep disorder, nor have any sleep difficulties, I opt for lying meditation in the beginning.

Not till when I first joined Buddhism camp end of my 1st year in UPM - early 2005, only did I know that what I've been doing for the past 10 years is MEDITATION?!! 3 years later, a Buddhist meditator told me that I've been a practitioner in my past life before! Huh???

I was amazed by those words, but in time to prove again, there were a few other Buddhist Kalyana Mitra who told me the same thing too. Certainly, I could not doubt this matter anymore.

Same thing happened when I was so engrossed in my self-training of swimming in order to get the perfect Freestyle. Victor taught me the right hand technique in order to swim faster and beautifully. That was in my final year in UPM. Suddenly, I have that strong will to improve myself and commit at least an hour daily in swimming pool. Just after a couple of practice on my own, I not only did get my stroke correct, but could focus on my breathing and all my actions as well.

A few years after graduating, I attended a Dhamma talk on mindfulness in daily activities. Suddenly, it struck me that again I was already being mindful in my swimming activity without being told. I even send Metta to Alvin at that time while doing the laps to keep my mind focus.

These 2 happenings further inspired me to watch my mindfulness at all times, especially while driving as I'm often on the road. Currently being mindful comes more easy as it slowly become my daily habit. Yet, I'm not satisfied with my own sitting meditation as often I have a lot of thoughts coming into my mind. Else, I'd be so tired that I fell asleep while meditating.

For those out there who happens to read this blog, I'd advise you to be mindful in simple things first, such as walking, eating, peeing, washing hands or dishes, driving etc. Someday, you'll find insight in your activities!

May all sentient beings be well, happy and peaceful!

SADHU!

Introduction

I was born and raised in Malacca since 19 December 1984. Having born into conservative parents, naturally, I was not exposed much to the world out of my routine daily activities. Not until I gained the freedom to decide how much time I’d like to allocate in activities I participated during my university’s life that added some sparkles into my life.

The eldest among 4 sisters, I resembled a lot of my father’s stubbornness, eager to learn, always wanted to win and have a quick temper. However, I was very much attracted to the word “Psychology” and ‘Counselling” when I went to a seminar after Form 5 related to divergent courses that was offered by a college.

These two words have been haunting my sub-conscious mind ever since, though I did not give a hard thought during that time. Life went on as usual with school activities, studies and examinations. Not until I got my STPM result that we were all forced to make a choice of career that one would like to be after Degree course that I begin to weight the choices I’d like to make with Psychology or Counselling, or some other subjects that don’t relate much to human behaviour.

The biggest barrier was from my idealistic father who doesn’t encourage the study of human science at all. During that naïve period of me who do not know how to gather more information in this area or sought more ideas on career path of Psychology or Counselling, therefore, things were left to be. I choose a course in Business Administration.

Hope does not dampen in me for things I have not yet achieve. All the moment, I wanted to put the blame on my father for my unachieved ambition. Yet, deep down, I do know that if I do not take action to change and pursue my dreams now, it’ll forever remain unchanged. I will not tolerate the devil in me to blame my cowardliness. Upon acting on instinct, I determined to sign up Master Programme in Counselling end of year 2009.

Peacefulness

I wasn't rushing to UPM today...

While driving just now, a gush of peaceful feeling filled my spiritual self... Wow!!!

Suddenly, I was able to reflected myself more thoroughly.

I found out that I am a person that really cares on details. Aiming to do things to perfection. However, when I can't manage to achieve that, I'd shy away denying that I have the ability to complete a task(s) perfectly... Those who know me and are reading this blog, do you view me as a person I wrote I am?

It's quite a committed task always reminding myself to be mindful. To be aware of what am I doing every seconds. Even harder when I tends to entertain to messages or making phone calls while I'm driving. Yet, I often find that that was the best time to settle communication calls and messages. Coz, when I reached a certain place, there would be other things that consume my time doing.

Now, I'm sitting comfortably facing my faculty with breeze blowing into my face. Minimal pressure, no rush of time. I know that I have to leave a bit more allowance of time from 1 task to another task. Yet, how & where?

Oh, I'm so looking forward going home end of this month and during sem break in mid-Sept. A total detoxification and cleansing of mind and body then! For the mean-time, I need to focus on my studies and work. Where else, Lye Song is giving hint that I don't spend enough time with him. Well, that is one area that need to hold for a while. At least till we get marry, which will be a year and a half more. By the time, I'll be almost finishing my studies...

He doesn't find enough time to spend. Same for me too! It seems my workload is getting over-whelmed day by day! Why doesn't it goes the same with salary???

On the TOP of the World!

I LOVE COUNSELLING VERY MUCH!!!

It's already end of 2nd week. I'm driving & attending lectures with GREAT enthusiasm every day!!! I am very motivated to go for lectures (though there are no assignments yet).

The points that can prove I'm at the top of my world are these:

1. I maintain my alertness throughout the duration of 3 hours in the lectures.

2. I'm feeling truly HAPPY to know that I will be one of the Certified Counsellor in near future.

3. I have a GOAL to score distinction of 3.75 CGPA by the time I finish my course.

In order to achieve all those; I MUST be ABLE to allocate sufficient time for everything (studies, relationships, travel & work responsibilities)

Just to add on - I like languages very much too! Especially languages which I already mastered (English, Malay & Chinese) It can beautifully describe feelings in words.

Just a short blog for tonight. I'm tired & it's late. I need to get up early every morning to get my things done. Lye Song has fallen asleep in my bed....ZZZZZ

My Dogs

It's raining outside & Toro has finally grown up!!!

Today is a cool breezy morning! The wind feels so smooth on my skin. So wonderful! Toro has his first pee stop just outside a neighbour's house a couple of houses away from ours. He lifted his right hind leg & pee like an adult dog! Wow, just slightly pass 7 months! Well, Milo too just had her spay done next week, around 7 months too.

Now, now. I estimated Loto to be around 2.5 months when we noticed that his testis to be growing slowly. Hmm? Isn't it a little too early? Or is he older than we thought? Even if we add additional a month to him, it's still considered too young as Toro started to grow testis at 5 months.

I brought Milo & Loto home last Sat. The reason is because Milo is still on medication & there are nobody to feed her if we were to leave her here. Wherelse Loto is still in his chubby physical. I intended to bring Cunni & Culus home too, however both have grown nearly full-size.

Milo & Loto dirtied my car the most! They vomited in my car during the 5 hours ride. We took 2.5 hours to drive to Ampang, sat there for an hour, then took another 2 hours to drove down M'cca. Therefore, it's actually a near 6 hours ride.

Past Thoughts

I'm currently at home. Will be home for two days. After March, my next trip home would be 15 June. However, it would be for one day only. Else, I'd have to wait till 29 July. Guess I'd go back on both months then. Even that, I couldn't be sure whether I can be home in July or not (as I would be starting my Master studies then).

I hope, I wish, I want to enter Counselling course. Hopefully I'll be able to further my career to UK. When will that be? Another decade?

I do regret my past doings. I like to compare myself with others. Apart from sorrowing over my childhood experience, I often blame myself for those actions that I could have take that would change my growing up path. I was a very timid child. A girl who often hide my true emotion, my true desire. A choice that chosen to grieve alone.

I only dare to explore my own identity when I was away from home. Was it too late?

Not really...

Only that I fall backward after I left UPM. Joining the work force make me a dull girl again....

The television is switched on at the moment. I could not concentrate on my writing now... Will have to continue later...